So what do you do when you can't sleep? You blog, of course!
Instead of sleeping, I am word-peddling. Dream-raking (imagine a bunch of dreams like a pile of leaves, and you will get the idea). Today was an amazing day. It started out innocuously enough. I am on Day 3 of a pesky cold, so I decided to sleep in to see if I could shorten it. Sleeping in meant I had less time to prepare for the day. I was in charge of leading a prayer for Cabrini Ministry Training, plus I signed up to bring snack for today's class. Fortunately I found the prayer without too much difficulty, and had already planned out what snack I was bringing.
But things started looking up during Cabrini. We were learning about how to minister to those who are dying, and their loved ones. Heavy stuff, I know. During the class, we had the opportunity to reflect on our own lives, and how we felt about death and dying. "Is there someone I need to forgive? What were my best moments? Who do I love and feel I need to entrust to the care of another? Is there anything I wish I could do before I died? What do I want others to remember about me?" *
Reflecting on my life from the perspective of my impending death may sound morbid. But it was truly illuminating. I think so often I fear death because of all of its unknowns. When you examine your life so far, and prayerfully consider what you would like to do with your time left here on earth, it places you in control of the how if not the when of death. Consider this last question for a moment: "What do I need to do so I do not need to look back, but am able to stand on the edge and surrender myself to all that is to come?"*
Through conversation with another Cabrini student, I came to the realization that I do have control over a lot more than I'd like to think. I can forgive. I can make sure my loved ones are taken care of after I die. I can check off items on my bucket list. And I can shape the way others will remember me. So as cheesy as it sounds, it is liberating to live like you were dying. Because let's face it. We all are. But that doesn't have to be a sad thing.
Are you living life to the fullest? If the answer is no (and let's face it, most of us will answer no), what can you do today that will make you more prepared for death?
*These questions come from Healing the Dying by Mary Jane Linn, CSJ
