Mr. D is now 7 months old, and is no longer nursing. I'm down to 1-2 pumping sessions a day, and I'm only getting 3-4 ounces in a 24 hour period. Nursing was never easy for us, but we had finally gotten to a good place with it at about 5 months. Then came distracted nursing, and biting, and then just not being interested in it at all. They say that it is really rare for a baby to wean him/herself before 12 months, but after pushing through for more than a month, I just couldn't take it anymore.
It breaks my heart a little, especially because we fought so hard to build my supply, work through latching issues, change my diet, and get his weight up. We did all that we could. And now it's time for me to let it go.
When you're a parent, you want what is best for you child. But what do you do when what is best for children in general, is not best for the child in front of you? Sure, I could have insisted on nursing Mr. D until 12 months, fighting back tears when he twisted to get down on the floor, all before letting go.
I could have thought "I guess it's just a stage" for months and months on end. I could have ruined our relationship to meet the American Academy of Pediatrics recommendations. {Incidentally, they suggest continuing nursing past 12 months, as long as it is mutually beneficial for both mother and child. What, is there some magical transformation at 12 months so that only then is it okay for the mother to have a say in all this??}
I guess it's all about the milk.
Or is it? Isn't it slightly reductionist to claim that motherhood is all about one aspect of care? Instead, isn't motherhood about loving the child in front of you? Not the neighbor's "angel child" or the Gerber baby. Your child. You know, the one God entrusted you with.
I'm not trying to start a fight. That's the last thing I want to do. I guess I'm just frustrated that even though this seems like the best thing for our family, I still feel guilty about it. Okay, angry rant over.
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