25 Years of the Internet...Gains and Losses

Facebook informed me that today marks 25 years of the internet being publicly available. To commemorated this anniversary, here are 8 ways that the internet has changed my life...in some good ways, and some not so good ways.

How the Internet has Improved My Life:

1. Blogging: AKA, Getting Published Without Going Through a Publisher. This was a game-changer. When I started my blog in 2010, I was trying (in vain!) to get a writing/editing job. Blogging seemed like the perfect way for me to get my work out there...and it didn't even have to be good. It's nice to have the instant feedback (and ego-stroking) that blogging provides. An extra bonus is the accountability of having a blog--it means that for the most part, I write more often than I would otherwise. Blogging also forces me to quiet my nasty inner critic, and just press publish already! Blog posts don't have to be perfect, and no one is grading me (I think...haha).

2. Connection/Social Outlet: Let's be real for a second: as a SAHM, I relish the opportunity to have adult interaction. Engaging with others on Facebook provides some much needed intellectual stimulation. Facebook allows me to view updates on my family and friends from far and wide. I've also enjoyed the camaraderie of Facebook groups, like my Yin Natural group. Those ladies have become like semi-sisters, in that they give amazing feedback on what looks great, and helpful suggestions for what could make an outfit better. It's neat to feel connected with people from all over the world.

3. Access to Information: How cool is it that if I have a question...any question, I can find an answer to it almost instantly? I am always amazed that no matter how obscure my question is, Google always has an answer.

4. Instant Entertainment: It still boggles my mind that like #3, I can just type in my favorite song, a scene from an obscure movie or TV show, and like magic, it appears!

And now for how the Internet has diminished my life:

1. Less Journaling/Writing Just For Me: Ah, the days before blogging, when I would write my little heart out, and no one had to see! I have found that I journal less often (but write for my blog more regularly). I rarely write poetry these days, and never write fiction or short stories anymore. It's hard to get motivated when I know that no one will ever read it.

2. Fragmentation of Communication: More communication is not necessarily better. Said another way, quantity is not the same thing as quality. I used to exchange letters with my long-distance friends, now I trade texts and Facebook comments and likes. I was talking with a friend the other day about how bad we both are at keeping in touch. We're friends on Facebook, so we can look at each other's pictures and Facebook posts, and feel connected and caught up. But the reality is that we haven't really talked to each other for more than a year. The depth just isn't there anymore.

3. Lack of Contemplation/Silence: I am an introverted, contemplative person by nature. But, I also really like people and communication. Since I got a smartphone a few years ago, the siren call of communication has almost drowned out any opportunity for contemplation. How can I escape to silence when the whole world is at my fingertips? This past week, at Andy's family cabin, was so refreshing because I had no cell service. For days, my phone was on airplane mode. I didn't feel compelled to check it, because there would be nothing to check. I felt calmer, and freer. Yesterday, I left my phone in the house, while I was watching Mr. D play outside. As I sat there, listening to airplanes fly overhead and Mr. D chattering "Pane! Pane!" as he pointed to the sky, I rediscovered that feeling I had had at the cabin. All I had to do was forget my phone, and I was transported to my own private island. I need these moments of quiet. I think we all do.

4. Increased Procrastination/Distraction/Wasted Time: This is similar to the last one. I can while away hours on my phone. Precious time that could be spent in so many more life-giving ways. I've written a few times about how technology can zap my creativity, and prevent me from being fully present.

Every once in awhile, I will catch Mr. D looking at me, looking at my phone. And my heart breaks a little. I'm not advocating for throwing away my smartphone (although I've considered that). But I know that I need to be very discerning in my use of it, especially around those I love. I don't ever want Andy or Mr. D to feel like I care more about the world inside my phone, than I do about what's going on right here, with them.  I want them to feel like they are enough to captivate my attention. Because they are.

Every now and then I think it's important for me to evaluate my use of technology. It's been said that technology is a good servant, and a bad master. I've experienced both the benefits and drawbacks of having access to the internet. Lately, I have allowed technology to have the upper hand. I want to return to a proper use of the gift of technology, and discipline myself to rely on it less. So I can get back to this little guy, who is growing up so fast.

Little boy loves to slide.

My list was far from exhaustive. Join the conversation: How has the Internet changed your life--for better or worse? 

Discovering My Personal Style: Personal Color Analysis

In a previous post, I shared a bit about my journey discovering my personal style. This week, I would like to share my experience with personal color analysis. Are you as excited as I am? This was so much fun.

About six months ago, I rediscovered the concept of Seasonal Color Analysis: basically everyone's coloring looks best in a particular season: Winter, Spring, Summer, or Autumn. Fans of the TV show Avatar: the Last Airbender will enjoy this video, with Uncle Iroh (my favorite character!) singing about the four seasons.

Back in high school, my sister and I read the 1980s book "Color Me Beautiful" and determined that we were both Summers. Well, a lot has happened since that book came out, and now there are several systems that have expanded upon this framework. Through my research, I determined that Christine Scaman's 12Blueprints Sci/Art system was the one for me. This system further divides each of the 4 seasons into 3 subcategories: Winter is divided into Dark Winter, True Winter, and Bright Winter; Spring into Bright Spring, True Spring, and Light Spring; Summer into Light Summer, True Summer, and Soft Summer; Autumn into Soft Autumn, True Autumn, and Dark Autumn.

From Christine Scaman's book Return to Your Natural Colours

Through self-analysis, I guessed I was either a True Summer or a Soft Summer. Based on the other celebrity examples of Soft Summer, however, I had all but ruled that season out (I look nothing like Sarah Jessica Parker or Jennifer Aniston). With my tendency to ruddiness, I thought for sure I was truly cool-based. I also preferred the colors in the True Summer palette, which seemed to me much more saturated and lively.

Once I decided that I wanted to pursue Personal Color Analysis (PCA), I put myself on a shopping ban. I didn't want to buy anything that might not be in the right color. The whole point of doing both the Personal Image Analysis (PIA) and the PCA was to avoid buying clothes that weren't the best for my shape and coloring. I was going to save money in the long run.

Three long months later, the day of my PCA appointment arrived. I can't quite express how excited I was. On the drive there, and then throughout the process, I found myself bursting with joyful anticipation. Like a little kid on Christmas morning, I guess. :)

As soon as I met my analyst Cori, I felt at ease. She has a beautiful, cool coloring, with silver streaks in her long honey blond hair. Her glasses were lavender. I was not surprised to discover that she is a Summer (a Light Summer) and a Yang Natural. She has this serene, cozy quality to her that really jives with her physical qualities.

Cori was thorough: all told, she spent over 5 hours with me to determine my season. For precision's sake, my street clothes were covered in a gray smock, and my hair was also covered in a gray cap. Cori wore a gray coat, and I sat in front of a mirror (like at a beauty salon), with a gray backdrop behind me. I remarked at how good I looked in the plain gray, and Cori agreed: "Most people don't look very good in that."

So incredibly excited: what Season will I be?

I was a little bit nervous, because I was meeting her for the first time, and I wasn't even wearing makeup! That's right, no makeup! The idea was to see how my skin reacted to the various colors. The drapes from the right season would make my skin look healthy: pink, smooth, and peaceful. The wrong season's colors would make my skin look sallow, lined, or shadowed.

I was a more challenging case because I looked good in Winter's black, and I could handle some of Autumn's warmth. So was I a Winter? At one point in the draping process (I think it was when Cori was comparing Bright Winter to Dark Winter), both of us were amazed at how good I looked in the rich tones of Dark Winter. It was clear that my skin could handle some depth and a little warmth. The best colors in that season were a deep blue and bottle green, the latter which really connected with the green in my eyes. Never in my wildest dreams did I consider that I could be a Dark Winter. But I went into the PCA with an open mind, so I would believe it when we had ruled out the other possibilities.

But once she compared Dark Winter to Soft Summer, we had a definite winner. By comparison, Dark Winter looked terrible! We both wondered how we thought Dark Winter ever looked good. It's amazing how, even colors that looked pretty good, were nothing in comparison to the colors in the right season.

So, we had narrowed it down to Summer: but was I a Soft Summer or a True Summer? True Summer was still in the running, because in other comparisons, it had always been the winner. One interesting note: Cori had several sets of drapes that only tested for warmth. She would pass back and forth from purely warm, to warm neutral, to cool neutral, to purely cool. Several of these tests indicated that purely cool made my skin look slightly red, while the cool neutral colors made my skin look pink and healthy. It was amazing to watch my skin transform from sickly yellow, to pink, and then to red. The redness was barely perceptible, but it was there.

So when we made the last comparison, between Soft Summer and True Summer, I knew which one would be the best one. Nearly every drape in True Summer was just a little too saturated/bright for my coloring. The True Summer colors took the attention away from my face. Instead of just being able to look at myself in the mirror, my eyes bounced back and forth between the colors and my face. The drapes in the Soft Summer palette, on the other hand, had a calming, harmonizing effect: my face looked rested, serene. My reaction was, "Yep, that's me."

This is still me without makeup, and with my Soft Summer Colors. Before this experience, I never thought I could wear yellow. It turns out every season has its own version. 

Cori noted that my phone camera picks up redness that isn't there in real life. Silly camera. ;)

I admit that I was a little disappointed in the result. I guess I wasn't as open-minded as I thought I would be. I think I hoped that something about me would have a little dazzle, pizazz, you know? It has been an unexpected result of this experience that I have had to come to grips with the reality of me. I am soft. I am serene. I am sweet. Do I have a silly, spunky side? You bet. Can I show that off through my clothing choices? Yep! But, I need to be okay with not being a Bright Winter or a True Summer. The whole point of doing this is to understand more about myself: my unique brand of beauty.

My Soft Summer Fan/Swatch Book

So, my journey is not over. I am learning to accept myself for who I am. And part of that, in a small way, is to accept that I am Soft Summer. Since my appointment several weeks ago, I have gone through all of my clothes, and separated those that passed the swatch test from those that didn't. After exercising discipline for so long, I went shopping a few days after my PCA at Goodwill. It was so liberating to be able to just focus on the right colors. I brought my swatch book with me, and before trying on anything, it had to pass the swatch test (the color should look harmonious with the fan, even if it isn't an exact color match). I saved so much time with this strategy!

I will continue to post more about this topic, as I settle into both my Yin Natural Archetype and my Soft Summer colors. I hope you come along with me, as I transform my wardrobe into the full expression of who I am.

Wearing my colors to a friend's wedding.

NFP Awareness Week: What 4 Years of Charting with the Creighton Model (NFP) Looks Like

It's NFP (Natural Family Planning) Awareness Week, and I have something really special for you on the blog this year. I've mentioned a few times here that my husband and I have been using the Creighton Model FertilityCare System to track my fertility/infertility and health throughout our marriage. I have also been teaching the system for the past 3 years.

This was taken almost a year ago! We need to get some current family photos. Credit: Josh Dietrich

My husband Andy is a Data Analyst by trade, and ever since we started charting four years ago, has been interested in mining my NFP charts for data. With my blessing, Andy has crafted a thorough analysis of my cycles for the past 4 years on his blog Philosophical Analytics. For those of you who are interested in charts, graphs, and data visualization, the first part of his post will be fascinating for you to explore. For those who are ahem...a little less data-driven (I'm in this group), scroll down to the section "Conclusion: Why It Matters" for what we see to be the benefits of using NFP. Andy has worked incredibly hard on this post, so send some love in the form of lots of blog traffic his way. :)

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For those who have been holding me accountable about posting regularly: I promise I will publish another post (about my personal color analysis experience!) very soon. And thanks J.B. for the nudge! 

This Week's Roundup: Jury Duty and a Baking Competition

"I'm sorry, everyone, I forgot to tell you not to come in today. You're free to go!"

Thus ended my first experience with jury duty. During this past week, I woke up early, fought rush-hour traffic, waited outside the court building with other members of the jury pool, sat in an unused court room waiting to be selected, and then was sent home.

On Wednesday, I was the last juror to be selected for a criminal case. For 45 minutes, we were screened by the prosecuting attorney, and the defense. It really felt like we were the ones on trial, as they asked us pointed questions about our personal lives. I was never singled out, fortunately, and as I was the last juror of the bunch, I was never going to be selected for this particular case. We were told to come back the next day, for another trial. And, as we were waiting in the damp morning air, we were dismissed. Just like that.

I can see why people try to get out of jury duty. You are committing to a full week of being on-call, and the most exciting part of it might be the complimentary coffee, tea, and hot chocolate available as you wait. It reminded me of gym class, as you wait to be selected for a team, or an audition of sorts.

As a stay-at-home mom, it really was difficult to find someone to watch him all week. Fortunately, one of our friends was kind enough to watch Mr. D in the mornings. Otherwise, I guess Andy would have had to do it. Not a great situation. Add another child into the equation, and it just doesn't make sense for me to do it again. Undue hardship, right there. I guess we'll have to assess the situation, should I be summoned for jury duty again.

In addition to my jury duty shenanigans, this week I binge-watched the first season of The Great British Baking Show, a competition of 12 amateur bakers. This is unlike any other competition show I have seen. Each of the contestants was likable, and fairly gracious in the face of criticism. Several times throughout the show, contestants helped each other succeed. This aesthetically appealing show features mouth-watering, extraordinary recipes. Best of all? All of the lovely British accents. Do yourself a favor, and watch the first season, available free on Amazon Prime for the next 5 days.

And, apparently, the third season of the show is starting on July 1 on PBS 9/8 central time. I'm going to have to see how it compares to the awesome first season. Anybody else with me? (Besides Andy, of course!)

How was your week? I'd love to hear from you!

Discovering My Personal Style

She wrinkled her nose as she grasped the jersey material, "You aren't going to wear this, are you?" Shame washed over me, and my stomach sank. She was classically beautiful, a Grace Kelly, and represented everything I longed to be, but wasn't.

Like a lot of women, I have struggled with insecurity about my appearance for as long as I can remember. And I have held a very narrow definition of what it means to be beautiful--in a skin deep sort of way.

Since becoming a mom, I have decided that it's time I owned my unique brand of beauty. This quest has led me to the world of style archetypes and seasonal color analysis. Several weeks ago, I met with an Image Analyst, and confirmed my suspected archetype--Yin Natural (Soft Natural in Kibbe language).

Through this journey, I have become more aware of what works and also what doesn't (and why). I may long for certain styles, but now I feel confident in leaving them on the rack for someone else to wear. I don't have to settle for looking okay (or plain Jane) anymore in the wrong styles.

I don't have to try to hide certain features, or pretend I have others. It's all about working with one's natural shape, and honoring our bodies. I want to look my best, and feel confident in the skin I'm in. I may never be Grace Kelly, but I will be me. And yes, that is what I'm wearing. :)

Here are a few outfits I've created since my personal image analysis (PIA).

In a few weeks, I will meet with a local analyst for my personal color analysis. I have my suspicions I am a True (or Cool) Summer. Keep posted to find out the results!

Braving the Park Alone: One Shy Mama's Tale

Today I went outside of my comfort zone. I went to a park, with my toddler son in tow, all by myself. I wasn't meeting anyone. I didn't know anyone once I got there.

Was it awkward at first? You bet. I am one of those highly self-aware people, and there was a group of moms who all knew each other, and very clearly weren't interested in adding someone (me) to their conversation. It felt like high school all over again.

But, I plunked my diaper bag down on the bench next to the sand box, and while my little guy played, I sat. I pulled out my phone a few times to check some texts that came in from friends (who sadly, couldn't make it to the park). But otherwise, I watched Mr. D and tried to look somewhat approachable (I've been told I have a friendly face, so maybe my efforts weren't that difficult).

Not from the park today, but isn't he the cutest? 

A few minutes passed, and a man, probably in his late 60s, asked if he could sit beside me on the bench. He was there with his wife, and their two grandchildren. "What is this area called?" They were visiting from Vermont. "We have a camper and we just came from Yosemite. Which one is yours?" I gestured towards Mr. D. "Is he your only child?" I nodded, and added, with a smile, "So far!"

Mesmerized, Mr. D toddled after a radio-controlled car. He loves anything with wheels, so I left my bench so I could be closer to him. Just then, a slender woman with a round straw hat came by with her toddler boy. She commented to me about the large number of people at the park. I agreed, and we struck up a nice conversation.

She was from Russia, and her son was just a few months older (and just a little bit smaller) than Mr. D. She told me how much she loved being with her children, two boys, one aged 4, and the other one 18 months. "I was originally hoping for a girl the second time around...but as soon as I saw him (her younger son), it was love. Sometimes, we don't know what would be best for us." We parted ways after a few minutes--I needed to stay close to Mr. D--but I left the park feeling content. I had braved the park alone, and came away feeling more connected with the world.

Mr. D benefited from the fresh air, sunshine, and the opportunity to practice his climbing skills. And this shy mama learned that sometimes it's okay to be alone, for it is through vulnerability that we open ourselves to new experiences, new people, and sometimes, new friends.

I Don't Do It All

Today I'm over at my friend Bethany's blog, Baking Humble Pie, dispelling the myth that we moms "do it all." I was so honored when she asked me to contribute to this series. It's so important for our society to see a realistic picture of motherhood.

You can read about what I do and don't do as a mom here. And while you're there, check out Bethany's thoughtful collection of posts. She is an amazing writer and homeschooling mom of five, with lots of wisdom to share.

Join the conversation! What do you do, and what don't you do in your current state of life?