I Don't Want to Wait Anymore

I sit cross-legged, my fingers tapping the keyboard, as my 8-month-old fights sleep in the next room. C'mon, Mr. D, you know you're tired. Stop fighting it. My concern masks my impatience. Because I worry that tonight he will call my bluff and refuse to sleep. You see, I have this golden opportunity, this precious commodity, this time. While Andy is doing some extra work, I have an hour and a half of me time.

I haven't always seen it as a good thing. In fact, I have to remind myself that having time to myself is not reason for a pity party. In the past (like last week), I have resented Andy's commitments outside the home. I've complained. I've moped. I've argued. But I am slowly realizing that I am spending all this time and energy on the wrong things. Instead of watching ridiculous TV shows that I don't even like to drown my sorrows, I could be reading a good book. Instead of mindlessly scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed, I could be writing for fun. I've thought of the times that Andy is not available as a sort of limbo. Twiddling my thumbs, while I wait for life to begin again.

I'm done.

I don't want to wait anymore. I've written about this theme many times {here and here, and again here} but apparently I'm thick-headed, so bear with me another time. I don't know why so often the default for me is to sit back and just let life happen. Like I don't have a choice. Like what I want doesn't even matter. And all the while, the answer to my frustration, my feelings of I just don't have me time anymore, is right within my reach. But I just keep on wasting time on things that don't matter. And act as if I don't matter either.

This was taken the weekend before Andy proposed. I didn't like waiting then, and I don't like waiting now. 

So my latest resolution is this: use the "waiting for Andy to be available" times to pursue activities that enrich my life. Every week, I have at least three hours to myself. I can either squander it, or make the most of it. I'm choosing to invest my time well. Because I don't want to wait anymore.

What activities do you enjoy doing during your little pockets of "me time"? 

P.S. Feel free to leave your answer in the comments below. I always enjoy getting mail of any kind. Please join the conversation at any time. And break into the chocolate while you're at it. I won't tell.