Surviving (and even Thriving!) Postpartum

As a new mom, I received a lot of advice (both solicited and unsolicited, and helpful and unhelpful). This post is meant to pass on the helpful pieces of advice, as well as some things I figured out the hard way (I don't suggest the latter tactic...). There is no one-size-fits-all to life in general, much less postpartum life, but the following is what I have found to work for me. So with that giant caveat, here is what I wish I had known in preparation for postpartum life:

1. You might go through a grieving process: When Andy and I were newly married, I remember someone saying that any life change (whether positive or negative) can be a sort of death. For example, when you get married, you are saying goodbye to the single life and all that that stands for. Becoming a parent is not only life-changing for you, it is also life-forming! But along with the wonder and awe, oftentimes comes the bittersweet reality that your life pre-child is over. When you feel like your life is over, take time to grieve. And then take advantage of this clean slate to shape what you want your life to look like now.

   

   Mr. D and I ponder life's mysteries.
2. Don't wait to get help. Seriously. Your family needs you to be happy and healthy, so do whatever it takes to make that happen. Ask for meals. Text a friend when you're feeling lonely. Call your doctor if you have even the slightest suspicion you have postpartum depression or anxiety.* Just get help. You will feel better, but you need to reach out so people know how to help you.
   
   

   

   Happy moms make happy babies.

   
   
3. Schedule "me time." This has to be literally on your calendar or it will never happen. Maybe you go to a coffee shop once a week and people watch. Or to a library and read in the (blessed!) quiet. Or do your exercise of choice (Swim! Walk! Bike! Hike!). Or have a girls' night out with your girlfriends. You will need some me time to stay sane. And then you will feel rested and ready for your job as a mom again.

   

   Life is good.

4. Schedule date night. More than ever now, you need to strengthen your relationship with your husband. And you need to have fun—you know, that carefree we're-just-dating-so-we-have-no-responsibilities kind of fun? You need it. He needs it. So get a babysitter, and enjoy some adult interaction with the one you love most!

   

   For Valentine's Day, at 2 weeks postpartum, Andy's parents generously watched Mr. D while we went to our favorite restaurant. Best. gift. ever.

5. Get dressed and put on makeup (if you wear it). Being a mom can feel really unglamorous at times {who am I kidding? It's unglamorous practically all the time. Bodily functions become your main conversation topic at the dinner table, for Pete's sake}. I'm not talking about getting dressed Cinderella-style, with birds as your personal assistants OR wearing 6-inch heels and flashy eye makeup. I'm talking put on a clean (for now) shirt and pants or skirt that you feel good in. This can be tricky, as you might be in between your maternity clothes and pre-pregnancy clothes. Buy a pair of jeans in that in-between size, if you need to. You are doing one of the hardest jobs. And you deserve to feel like a million bucks.

   

   Yes, we took our 6-week-old to Hawaii. But I put on lipstick and a clean shirt, so we're all good. 

   
   
6. Repeat (and try to believe): You are a good mom. You are a good mom. I have to tell myself this when I'm having a rough "this is so much harder than I expected" day/week. You may make bad choices as a mom. But you are still a good mom.

   

   I got this with our cloth diapers. Andy put it out for me to see when I was having a bad day. Lifesaver.
7. You will be winging it most of the time. And that's okay. Even veteran moms tell me this. Even those moms you admire who seem to be the Mary Poppins to your Cruella de Vil. We all have bad days. Just do the best you can, and always choose to love. The flip side of this, is that when other people see you, they will probably also think "wow, she has it all together!" or "he/she must be an easy baby." Yeah, we put on a good show.
   
   
   

   

   Nursing in public--or how I trained to be a ninja. 

8. You will feel like "you" again. But it may take longer than you'd like. For me, at almost 9 months postpartum, I am just now feeling like "me" again. You will find your stride. And somewhere under the sleep-deprived, haggard exterior, the old "you" exists. You know, the you that makes people laugh until their sides hurt, that sings in the shower and doesn't care who overhears, that you that we all know and love.

   

   Andy was making raspberries behind the camera, so Mr. D would smile. He joined in, and I just cracked up.

*Postpartum Depression/Anxiety is real, and affects many women. The good news is that you can feel better. So don't wait to reach out. Here are some great resources for PPD/A and its related mood disorders: 

Postpartum Progress

Hope for the Future: A Blog Hop on Post-Partum Depression and Anxiety

Five Things I Want You to Know about Postpartum Depression

Alright, that's it for me. I could probably add at least a dozen more to the above list, but that would make this post way long. So let's continue the conversation in the comments: What advice do you wish you'd received for how to thrive postpartum?