For All the Saints: a Lazy Friday Repost

Andy and I are hosting a Halloween movie/board game night this evening, and between all the last-minute cleaning and shopping, I haven't had a chance to post on the ol' blog. I might have a chance tomorrow to write about our recent Monterey trip...but I'm not very good about fulfilling my blogging promises (see all the posts where I promise to write about places we traveled...like Mt. Rainier several years ago or Lopez Island this summer. Oh well.) So here is an oldie but a goodie about the Feast of All Saints from November 1, 2011. Enjoy!

For All the Saints

Saint Clare and Saint Francis of Assisi

We look to the saints, and follow their gaze heavenward.

Today is the Feast of All Saints. This is one of my favorite feast days. First of all, it is the feast day of ALL of those that the church recognizes as being in heaven. That means it's the feast of St. Francis of Assisi just as much as it is the feast of St. Francis de Sales. Three hundred years separate the two in earthly reckoning, and the differences also extend to dispositions and roles in the church. But today (and, in reality, through all eternity) they are honored side by side--completely united in the love of Christ.

My love for the saints has increased, rather than decreased, as I have gotten older. Most people become more cynical as they "grow up"--leaving behind those childish notions of piety and devotion. I also feel the tugs of the secular world, telling me to abandon those silly traditions and live in the here and now. "Why must you always be looking to the things and people of the past?" one childhood friend chided me once. I didn't have an answer for him then.

But now I think of the great people of the past as more than models of virtue and holiness. They are truly friends, comrades in the fight. And we are so blessed to have an abundance of friends to choose from. Depending on your own personality and inclinations, you can have the quiet, humble St. Therese of Lisieux for your patron or the boisterous, bumbling Saint Peter. Both were incredibly in love with Christ; both strove to join him someday in heaven. Both were missionaries: St. Therese as a missionary of prayer--never leaving her Carmelite convent; St. Peter as a missionary of action--spreading the Gospel far and wide and leading the Church as the first pope.

They are patrons, in that they are looking out for us, aiding us in their prayers and intercession. And so I pray to them, for their help and guidance. They have won the fight for themselves, but now they are like generals in an army, guiding and molding those still engaged in battle.

Is devotion to the saints foolish, childish, or even superstitious? In 1 Corinthians 2:14, St. Paul writes, "a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them." God's ways are not our ways; rather they are beyond our understanding: truly mysterious and truly glorious.

How do you celebrate the Feast of All Saints? 

Surviving (and even Thriving!) Postpartum

As a new mom, I received a lot of advice (both solicited and unsolicited, and helpful and unhelpful). This post is meant to pass on the helpful pieces of advice, as well as some things I figured out the hard way (I don't suggest the latter tactic...). There is no one-size-fits-all to life in general, much less postpartum life, but the following is what I have found to work for me. So with that giant caveat, here is what I wish I had known in preparation for postpartum life:

1. You might go through a grieving process: When Andy and I were newly married, I remember someone saying that any life change (whether positive or negative) can be a sort of death. For example, when you get married, you are saying goodbye to the single life and all that that stands for. Becoming a parent is not only life-changing for you, it is also life-forming! But along with the wonder and awe, oftentimes comes the bittersweet reality that your life pre-child is over. When you feel like your life is over, take time to grieve. And then take advantage of this clean slate to shape what you want your life to look like now.

   

   Mr. D and I ponder life's mysteries.
2. Don't wait to get help. Seriously. Your family needs you to be happy and healthy, so do whatever it takes to make that happen. Ask for meals. Text a friend when you're feeling lonely. Call your doctor if you have even the slightest suspicion you have postpartum depression or anxiety.* Just get help. You will feel better, but you need to reach out so people know how to help you.
   
   

   

   Happy moms make happy babies.

   
   
3. Schedule "me time." This has to be literally on your calendar or it will never happen. Maybe you go to a coffee shop once a week and people watch. Or to a library and read in the (blessed!) quiet. Or do your exercise of choice (Swim! Walk! Bike! Hike!). Or have a girls' night out with your girlfriends. You will need some me time to stay sane. And then you will feel rested and ready for your job as a mom again.

   

   Life is good.

4. Schedule date night. More than ever now, you need to strengthen your relationship with your husband. And you need to have fun—you know, that carefree we're-just-dating-so-we-have-no-responsibilities kind of fun? You need it. He needs it. So get a babysitter, and enjoy some adult interaction with the one you love most!

   

   For Valentine's Day, at 2 weeks postpartum, Andy's parents generously watched Mr. D while we went to our favorite restaurant. Best. gift. ever.

5. Get dressed and put on makeup (if you wear it). Being a mom can feel really unglamorous at times {who am I kidding? It's unglamorous practically all the time. Bodily functions become your main conversation topic at the dinner table, for Pete's sake}. I'm not talking about getting dressed Cinderella-style, with birds as your personal assistants OR wearing 6-inch heels and flashy eye makeup. I'm talking put on a clean (for now) shirt and pants or skirt that you feel good in. This can be tricky, as you might be in between your maternity clothes and pre-pregnancy clothes. Buy a pair of jeans in that in-between size, if you need to. You are doing one of the hardest jobs. And you deserve to feel like a million bucks.

   

   Yes, we took our 6-week-old to Hawaii. But I put on lipstick and a clean shirt, so we're all good. 

   
   
6. Repeat (and try to believe): You are a good mom. You are a good mom. I have to tell myself this when I'm having a rough "this is so much harder than I expected" day/week. You may make bad choices as a mom. But you are still a good mom.

   

   I got this with our cloth diapers. Andy put it out for me to see when I was having a bad day. Lifesaver.
7. You will be winging it most of the time. And that's okay. Even veteran moms tell me this. Even those moms you admire who seem to be the Mary Poppins to your Cruella de Vil. We all have bad days. Just do the best you can, and always choose to love. The flip side of this, is that when other people see you, they will probably also think "wow, she has it all together!" or "he/she must be an easy baby." Yeah, we put on a good show.
   
   
   

   

   Nursing in public--or how I trained to be a ninja. 

8. You will feel like "you" again. But it may take longer than you'd like. For me, at almost 9 months postpartum, I am just now feeling like "me" again. You will find your stride. And somewhere under the sleep-deprived, haggard exterior, the old "you" exists. You know, the you that makes people laugh until their sides hurt, that sings in the shower and doesn't care who overhears, that you that we all know and love.

   

   Andy was making raspberries behind the camera, so Mr. D would smile. He joined in, and I just cracked up.

*Postpartum Depression/Anxiety is real, and affects many women. The good news is that you can feel better. So don't wait to reach out. Here are some great resources for PPD/A and its related mood disorders: 

Postpartum Progress

Hope for the Future: A Blog Hop on Post-Partum Depression and Anxiety

Five Things I Want You to Know about Postpartum Depression

Alright, that's it for me. I could probably add at least a dozen more to the above list, but that would make this post way long. So let's continue the conversation in the comments: What advice do you wish you'd received for how to thrive postpartum?

About the Merry Dreamer

Hi, I am Marie: wife to Andy, and a new mom of a {big} little baby boy, Mr. D. I’m not sure how long I can claim new mom status or say that I am “postpartum”…ten years? Probably.

We're basically models. 

Or not. ;)

Here's what we look like these days: 

Mr. D loves hair. Probably because he doesn't have much of his own yet. 

I started this blog a few years ago as a newly graduated, under-employed aspiring writer. The original title was Full-Time Dreamer and Part-Time Activist, which is quite the mouthful. But that is me in a short phrase. Always dreaming, sometimes doing.

Yes, I was wearing a dirndl while baking banana bread. What, you don't do that, too?!?

If you really want to start from the beginning, I suggest you read “Confessions of a Landbum” for a glimpse into my full-time career as a procrastinator dreamer.

If you’re interested in my take on motherhood (since I am such an expert…8 months in! wahoo!), here are a few favorites:

Do You Have What It Takes? My Experience with Attachment Parenting and What Works for Us

It breaks my heart a little: when it's more than just a nursing strike

Of Colds and Birthdays {The Disillusionment of Parenthood}

Occasionally, I also document our travels and outings, in the, you guessed it, “Out and About” tab.

Aaaand if you are feeling bad about your domestic skills, head on over to the “Domestic Adventures” tab, and experience sweet relief.

I have taken an enormous amount of solace in my favorite parenting blogs, so I thought I would add to the stream of consciousness that is life postpartum. If, like me, you are addicted to reading about other moms’ lives, and constantly wondering “how does she do it?”, you can check out a few of my favorite bloggers (on the sidebar) to see how they do it. As for me, I’m just east of Sanity most days, so take any insight or "advice" with a grain of salt. Although, the lovely Katherine of The Hopeful Starfish gives this endorsement: "don't say you don't have good advice. You are a very insightful mama." Aw, shucks. :)

But what you can do is join the conversation. I’d love to hear from you. So let’s break into the chocolate, and dream awhile.

I Don't Want to Wait Anymore

I sit cross-legged, my fingers tapping the keyboard, as my 8-month-old fights sleep in the next room. C'mon, Mr. D, you know you're tired. Stop fighting it. My concern masks my impatience. Because I worry that tonight he will call my bluff and refuse to sleep. You see, I have this golden opportunity, this precious commodity, this time. While Andy is doing some extra work, I have an hour and a half of me time.

I haven't always seen it as a good thing. In fact, I have to remind myself that having time to myself is not reason for a pity party. In the past (like last week), I have resented Andy's commitments outside the home. I've complained. I've moped. I've argued. But I am slowly realizing that I am spending all this time and energy on the wrong things. Instead of watching ridiculous TV shows that I don't even like to drown my sorrows, I could be reading a good book. Instead of mindlessly scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed, I could be writing for fun. I've thought of the times that Andy is not available as a sort of limbo. Twiddling my thumbs, while I wait for life to begin again.

I'm done.

I don't want to wait anymore. I've written about this theme many times {here and here, and again here} but apparently I'm thick-headed, so bear with me another time. I don't know why so often the default for me is to sit back and just let life happen. Like I don't have a choice. Like what I want doesn't even matter. And all the while, the answer to my frustration, my feelings of I just don't have me time anymore, is right within my reach. But I just keep on wasting time on things that don't matter. And act as if I don't matter either.

This was taken the weekend before Andy proposed. I didn't like waiting then, and I don't like waiting now. 

So my latest resolution is this: use the "waiting for Andy to be available" times to pursue activities that enrich my life. Every week, I have at least three hours to myself. I can either squander it, or make the most of it. I'm choosing to invest my time well. Because I don't want to wait anymore.

What activities do you enjoy doing during your little pockets of "me time"? 

P.S. Feel free to leave your answer in the comments below. I always enjoy getting mail of any kind. Please join the conversation at any time. And break into the chocolate while you're at it. I won't tell. 

Simplify Saturday: an Unintentional Fast from Technology and an Intentional Fast from Excess

Jesus, help me to simplify my life by learning what you want me to be and becoming that person

(St. Therese of Lisieux)

Slowing Down

This past week has been an exercise in denial, admittedly in a first world sort of a way. Our internet has been maxed out for the past two weeks, so pages no longer instantly load. Not quite dial-up speed, but close. Often the graphics would be too much for our slow connection, and the page would load in basic HTML format.

Another blow to my technological privilege happened when I attempted to upgrade my computer from Windows 7 to Windows 10. In a few hours (since it takes so long to upload a page, much less an entire operating system), my perfectly working Windows 7 was gone, and an improperly installed Windows 10 limped into its place. So I was left with an useless computer. Andy took it in to be fixed (for free, thank you Windows Store!), but it was several days before I had it back. Then there was the matter of re-entering passwords, downloading my favorite web browser (2 hours to download what it would probably take 2 minutes to do with ordinary internet speeds), customizing, etc.

So in the meantime, I was down to a smartphone, which relied on significantly a slower internet connection. All this to say, I was forced to go back to a time in my life when I did not have instant gratification. I had to wait. And, as those who know me well would attest, I am not good at waiting.

However, since I am an all-or-nothing kind of a girl (an Abstainer in Gretchen Rubin terminology), this kind of out-of-my-control deprivation is actually helpful for me. I was able to get more done offline, which is actually in line with my priorities, anyway. The one thing that I really missed was blogging. So, I am excited to get back into it.

Fast from Clothing

No, this is not about joining a nudist colony. Because that would be highly impractical this time of year. Ha. Ha.

Have you heard about the 30-day clothing challenge or Closet Challenge? Basically, Leah Darrow and Sarah Kroger challenged each other to pick 7 items from their wardrobes, and wear only those 7 items for 30 days. The exceptions to this of course being things like underwear, socks, pajamas, and outerwear. The idea is to simplify the process of getting dressed in the morning (or afternoon, when I finally get out of my pajamas...). An added benefit is to recognize all of the excess that we consider absolutely necessary. i.e. Yes, I need all 10 pairs of pants, thank you very much!

Another blogger decided to modify this challenge to 7 items of clothing for 9 days, tying it to the Catholic tradition of the novena. Once I read about this latter challenge, I decided that I could do that. 9 days?!? Easy peasy. The blogger recommended also praying a novena to St. Therese during the challenge. I love novenas, and it's been a long time since I've prayed in that way. So, in Friday night impulsive fashion, I selected my clothes for the next week and a half, prayed my novena, and felt really good about myself.

So good, in fact, that I decided to take a {super fuzzy amateur}picture of what I would be wearing for the next 9 days (blue to blue, in case you were interested+plus a pair of jeans). {because real bloggers take pictures} 

Very quickly I realized this was going to be a lot harder than I thought. Mr. D proceeded to emit bodily fluids, which not-so-conveniently ended up on my beloved 7 items of clothing. Cue extra loads of laundry. I started to look longingly at the other items in my closet. I bargained, thinking, I'm cold. This sweater couldn't possibly count against my 7 items, right? By Day 4, I was getting pretty tired of my clothing options. Only two people knew about this challenge, anyway. I could totally get away with wearing other items, and just forgetting the whole thing.

But I also began to think about what it would be like to not have to do this challenge. Because, for a lot of people, having 7 items to choose from (in good shape, and readily cleaned by a washing machine) would seem like a luxury. And I thought to myself, it should still seem like a luxury. Even to me. It provoked questions, like, Why do I have all of these clothes, anyway? It clarified the difference between wants and needs. It made me rethink donating my ratty t-shirts, because, while yes, something is better than nothing, am I promoting the dignity of the human person by giving out of my trash pile?

That last thought reminds me of the widow's mite. I have been guilty of giving out of my excess (and not the nice stuff, either). But, try to convince me to give up that perfectly nice article of clothing that would otherwise just sit in my closet, waiting for me to either wear it once or finally give it away when it's out of style, moth-eaten, useless, and my sense of what is just, what I deserve, will fight back to the last breath. Because, gosh darn it, I paid good money for that!

What do I hope to take away from this experience? Awareness of what is really important. Not just for me, but for others, as well. I am reminded of the spirit of many of the Frank Capra films (which are near and dear to my heart), that spirit of compassion and connection to our fellow man: 

“Maybe it'll stop you trying to be so desperate about making more money than you can ever use? You can't take it with you, Mr. Kirby. So what good is it? As near as I can see, the only thing you can take with you is the love of your friends” (You Can't Take it With You).

Because people should always come before things.

I'm glad I stuck with it, and today is my last day of the challenge. I modified it to include being able to wear a sweater when I was cold, and undershirts (although I tried to stick to wearing only one undershirt and one sweater). The important thing was not the number of items, but the idea of lack of choice. If you are interested in taking on the challenge, I highly recommend it. Feel free to modify the number of items, and how many days you would like to do it. I found 9 days to be plenty for me! {more power to you, if you can do 30+ days}

What steps are you taking to simplify your life? What inconveniences can we offer up in solidarity with the less fortunate? 

Friday Fast Five: Volume 1

It’s the many small things that add up to the one big life.

Today my thoughts are scattered, like the newly fallen red and gold leaves outside my window. So it seems like a perfect time to try my hand at a Friday Fast Five. 

One

Thirty minutes on the pump, and my body ekes out a few drops of milk. I am amazed that I have been able to trick my body for this long. You see, it’s been more than a month since Mr. D’s last nursing attempt. I remember distinctly the last time, because I tried four or five times to get him latched, before I realized that he had forgotten how to nurse. No, all he remembered was how to bite. I am continuing to pump (just once a day now) for two reasons: 1. I figure something is better than nothing, and I’m hoping that these drops are jam-packed with antibodies for my sweet boy. 2. I am curious just how long I can keep it up.

Two

I’m always telling Mr. D to be “gentle with mamma’s face, hair, etc.” Today, I allowed him to gently touch my eyelashes and my stroke my hair. It was such a tender moment with my not usually affectionate boy.

Three

I successfully braved Costco yesterday. This is remarkable because just the thought of Costco speeds up my heartbeat and makes my palms sweat. I know, I know, I should love Costco. I thought maybe I would grow to love it once I had a child, like suddenly I would be sprinkled with the magic Costco dust, and sing its praises forevermore. But, alas, my anxiety over crowded parking lots, gigantic semi-sized carts, pallets stacked up three stories high, people everywhere, lines that extend into the nuts and snacks aisle….gets in the way of me seeing Costco’s (undeniable) virtues.

Four 

I will say, I was rewarded for my bravery: I successfully got in and out of Costco in less than an hour, and came back with enough ground beef for (hopefully) six months AND a deal to stay one night at Salish Lodge (if you’re a fan of the show Twin Peaks this is the real Great Northern), with spa treatments and breakfast included. So now the plan is to stay there to celebrate our (third!) anniversary. Relaxation is the name of the game this year. 

Five 

Like {nearly} everyone else, Fall is my favorite season. This summer was a long, dry, and hot one, and by the end of August I was ready for long pants and light jackets, and everything pumpkin. One of the less noted by the secular world, yet awesome parts of Fall (October in particular) is that practically every day is a major (in my mind at least) feast day. Yesterday was St. Therese of Lisieux's feast day, today is the Feast of the Guardian Angels, and October 4 is St. Francis of Assisi's feast day. Pretty much all my favorite saints in the span of a week! 

Did you do anything fun and creative to celebrate? We're still recovering from colds and all the craziness that was September, so that's my excuse this year for not making these, for example {But you totally should!}